Do you suffer from loneliness? Or, do you enjoy solitude?
People are only lonely if they don’t like the person that they’re alone with. So they need distractions. If those distractions are taken away, they feel the absence with a great sadness. They are lonely.
But if you like the person that you’re alone with, then being alone is awesome. I love solitude. It’s when I find the most pure sense of peace. And I’ve never felt lonely being alone.
But, I have felt lonely. The loneliest that I’ve ever felt was being in the company of insecure people.
I had a period of my life where I worked closely with someone who was extremely needy, and energetically draining, and then I would leave work to go spend my free time with someone also extremely needy and insecure. I found that I couldn’t give enough of myself to either of them, and at the same time, they didn’t even seem to see me. They treated me like I wasn’t a person. To each of them, I was required to be just a distraction, with no needs of my own. Whenever I demanded that they do acknowledge me, they would lash out, they would attack me, and then somehow play victim, making me feel guilty, so I could resume my function in giving them what they needed so desperately. They needed a likable companion with no needs, to divert their attention away from someone that they did not like, their own needy selves.
As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20, and I now see that I am the one who put myself into those situations. I arrogantly thought that my own strong sense of self acceptance would be an inspiration to show them how to like themselves. And with this, they would love me.
On the contrary, it drained me. It caused deep resentment in me, and left me feeling the loneliest that I ever felt. I didn’t like being around them, and I didn’t like being around my own resentful self. Eventually, it came to a head with both of them, and I remember sitting in front of each, watching, as they droned on and on about themselves, and their problems to me, and thinking about how lonely I felt in that moment. It was because I didn’t have a friend in that space, not even myself. If I had been kinder to myself, I would have politely excused myself and left. Really, that would have been kinder to them as well, rather than silently resenting them.
I’ve since learned to be kinder to myself, and to each of them. Mostly I don’t have much interaction with either, or with others like them. I know that part of my own process in this life, is seeing when I fall into a trap of wanting to save somebody, or love someone enough for the two of us. It doesn’t work, and just ends up taking away love from both the other person and myself, then replacing it with resentment and unkindness.
I really do love those two individuals that I spent so much time and energy with. Yet I wasn’t being loving, and was certainly not liking any of us. I wasn’t helping them by being a crutch for their essential loneliness. Yet, those experiences with them did teach me so much. I now choose to actively remember how much I wanted them to love me so, and realize that it’s so much more joyful to simply love them, unconditionally. Radiating love makes me be the person that I like so much.
Liking myself, makes it so much fun to take me anywhere!
Now, I’ve been alone on top of the dormant volcano of Diamond Head, Oahu, taking in the breathtaking views of Waikiki Beach and the crystal blue expanse of the Pacific Ocean below, with only myself to enjoy it. I’ve toured the majestic halls of Windsor Castle, then the mysterious wonder of Stonehenge on the same enchanting day through the English countryside, gasping at the history and beauty, with just my lonesome self to experience. And I’ve wandered the romantic, labyrinth passages through the fairytale city of Venice, Italy – solo. Yet I never once felt lonely.
I like myself. I like my own company. It’s always a joy to be with myself, yet I know that I am never ever truly alone. I am connected to God, the Universal Source Energy of All That Is, and so wherever I go, and whatever I experience and see, Source is right there looking through my eyes. Guess what. The same is true for you as well!
Do you get lonely? Why is that? Are you unsure about your own company? I mean no disrespect. It’s so normal, and certainly more commonplace to be lonely when you’re alone. That’s what seems to make the most sense. If you are alone, that means you should be lonely. But I have a different experience. And perhaps you can too.
Maybe it’s time that you start to get to know yourself a little better. Here’s the thing. If you can’t stand to be alone with yourself, the chances are pretty good that other people feel the same way about you. Only they won’t be as honest with you as you can be with yourself. Mostly it’s because they love you and they don’t want to offend you. But energy is contagious. So if you don’t like yourself, they’re going to respond in kind, and not really like you either. What happens when people don’t like you? They leave you alone. It’s easy for them. But if you don’t like you, it’s not so easy to leave yourself, now is it?
Perhaps you should love yourself enough to start liking yourself. A bonus here, is it’s the most loving thing that you can do for those loved ones who want to like you more too.
We’re in a brand new year. How about making this the year that you start really liking your own company. Because liking yourself is the way to end loneliness.
There is much love here for you ~ FoxZM