Last year I started this blog again to answer an incessant prompt from my heart, wanting to share joy and be a light for the world that can seem so dark. Following Mahatma Ghandi’s beautiful advice to “be the change you wish to see in the world”, I sought out to be a light that I desperately craved.
Little did I know that focusing on wanting to spread heartfelt joy, to be this light for the world, meant that all of the darkness I was living with would move up, out, and come crashing down all around me. It was like a Jenga puzzle that had held on for just too long, and with that last fateful move, let all the pieces come crashing down.
The crash in my real life came so fast and furious, that it seemed devastating at first, but then eventually revealed itself to be a true blessing in disguise. It was an answer to my prayers. I didn’t need to hold up the pieces any more. I didn’t need to even play the game, trying to be optimistic, and make the most of my life situation. I just needed to trust in God, let Him remove me from that game I did not want to play, and let Him clear the way for me to truly walk on the path of light that my heart was calling me towards.
Before this crash, I had a lack of faith. It takes faith to focus on God’s way of Love and light, and to let the illusions of a dark world clear away, so you can find your footing on His path. It is definitely a testament of faith, because those illusions are so well crafted. They seem so real, and can pull your focus, having to squint at them in the dark, instead of realizing they can vanish in the light. Even now, I’m tempted to use this platform to rail against the abusive people I put up with for far too long. But that’s part of the game, that is the illusion’s seductive deception. Railing against them, only continues to make them real. Seeking some kind of vengeance by critically describing the toxic demons I had surrounded myself with, only keeps me playing dark Jenga with them.
Some day I may describe in detail, the powerful events I lived through last year, as that dark chapter of my life figuratively and literally got wiped out and washed away in a flood. But for now, I realize that I still have work to do in forgiving and forgetting the sins of all the players from that time, including myself. For now I just want to honor God and the powerful loving mercy he showed me, in letting that chapter come to such a dramatic end. I want to honor Him by looking forward and stepping into the light of a bright new chapter, illuminated by Love.
It’s been a while since I last wrote. Thank you to whoever is reading this.
As always, there is great Love here for you. ~ Foxzm